The Grumpy Room

What would you buy if you have $7,000 to spend, no strings attached? If you said really expensive sex robot, then my friend you are in luck. Inventor Douglas Hines unveiled his creation, Roxxxy the sex robot, at this year’s Adult Entertainment Expo in Vegas. Sadly I was not able to attend. Roxxxy is a very fancy talking doll that you can have sex with.

Apparently the technology used to build Roxxy is very sophisticated. She is capable of real-time voice recognition and speech synthesis to provide a more realistic experience. Hines came up with the idea “after trying to find a marketable application for his artificial-intelligence technology”. Wow…really? Ok I have some really cool technology, but I don’t know what to do with it. Oh I know, I need to find a way to fuck it. Maybe he was watching too much Futurama.

Perhaps this is the problem we have. We could have cured cancer and achieved world peace a long time ago, but all our efforts are being spent on finding ways to have better sex without needing another person. Hines does say that this is for shy or older men who have trouble meeting women. Hmm, perhaps the trouble you are having has something to do with the SEVEN-THOUSAND DOLLAR SEX ROBOT YOU HAVE IN YOUR HOUSE! I would guess that most women might find that a little creepy. But I am not one to judge you or to tell you where you should or should not put your weenie. I will however recommend you keep it away from the toaster, or at least unplug it first to be on the safe side.

If you want one, they are available at TrueCompanion.com (do I really need to tell you that a sex robot website is probably NSFW?), although they won’t be out for a few months. But hundreds have already been ordered. Don’t worry ladies, Hines hasn’t forgotten you. There is a Rocky model as well. And right now you can pick either Roxxxy or Rocky up on sale for the low, low price of $6,495.00.

Anyone want to help me write an iPhone app that can give users the dutch rudder? We’ll make millions…