The Grumpy Room

So I have been watching Farscape. Yes I know it came out a long time ago but I like to be way behind the times on my TV shows and movies. They released several seasons of it on Netflix Instant Watch so I have been working my way through them on my Roku. I am not done with it yet so don’t go ruining the damn thing for me in the comments. It isn’t the greatest show ever, but it is decently entertaining. It certainly beats a lot of the other crap I could be watching…

One of the things I have always found clever about shows like Farscape and Battlestar Galactica (a.k.a. BSG for all you lazy acronym-obsessed people) is the creative use of made up curse words to allow characters to swear nonstop while not pissing off the FCC and all the network censors. The word of choice in Farscape is frell. Allow me to use it in a sentence for you: Frell you, you mother-frelling frell-face. BSG’s equivalent is frak. Personally between the two I much prefer frak. Maybe because it sounds so much more like the more common word we can’t say on network TV. Frak frakkity frak frak frak! They even used other words like this in the original 1970s BSG, which was terrible yet awesome in its own special way.

On the other hand, one thing that pisses me off about these shows is another much more idiotic use of these made up words. Take Farscape for example. They use terms like microns (minutes), microts (seconds), arns (hours), cycles (years). The original BSG used a similar system with things like centons, microns, arns, yarens, and so on. Seriously what the frak!? I get the swear words, but why exactly do you need to make up words for time? Are they concerned that we won’t be able to suspend our disbelief if they say hours? Perhaps they envision a viewer experience going something like this:

Character: Hi I am on a ship flying through space. Crazy science-fictiony stuff is happening all around me.
Us: Wow that is neat. I want a cool spaceship like that.
Character: Hmm, in about 3 hours I will be off duty.
Us: HOLY FRAK! YOU ARE NOT REALLY IN SPACE!! YOU LIAR! THIS SHOW IS COMPLETELY FAKE! LAME!!

I mean seriously is it that big a deal to just use minutes? If you say “the enemy will be in firing range in 10 microns” I am not buying it. Microns are a unit of DISTANCE. It is a millionth of a meter (actually the current preferred term is micrometer), not a damn minute. So they need to get some tiny fraction of a meter closer before they can shoot you? Or perhaps in their universe everything is REALLY REALLY REALLY small. At least the newer BSG stopped this silly nonsense.